Regulation Competence

Emotions are more complex than an instant reaction to a situation. Even in a momentary second we regulate and adapt our emotional response, fine-tuning it to the changes in the situation. To a certain extent, we are also able to regulate the emotions of others through our own behaviour.

Emotion Regulation in Self

Competence in emotional regulation is the capacity to fine-tune one’s emotions depending on any changes that happen in the situation. It requires appropriate reflection on the emotional response, consideration of all aspects of the emotion and accurate incorporation of physical symptoms, such as tearfulness, lack of appetite, palpitations, sweating etc.

Certain regulation strategies exist which can be both valuable or detrimental, depending on the situation. An example is wishful thinking where people overestimate the probability of appraised causes and consequences that are in line with an individual’s desires and serve to minimise impact of threatening events. Sometimes people are more aware of their own regulation of emotions than others who may manage emotions more unconsciously. The level of awareness can also vary depending on the type and strength of emotion and the situation. For example people may manage emotions much more consciously in public, especially with strangers.

                              Regulation Competence in Self is about using the most appropriate
                              strategy to regulate and manage emotions in a given context.
                              It involves assessing internal information such as our heart beating,
                              stomach curdling as well as external information from other people
                              and our environment. All this information must be pulled together and
                              assessed on a moment-by-moment basis to constantly update our
                              emotional responses.

Consider the following example: When we find out about the death of a loved one how we manage our grief will require us to reflect on what is going on both physically and mentally. The grief response has been studied in detail and it is suggested it goes through a number of stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (Kubler-Ross). Obviously everyone is different in their reactions but these stages can indicate some of the regulation strategies we may use at this time.

If emotions are just too intense for us to cope it may be that we deny they are happening. Anger may be another response at the unfairness of the death but this can be managed as we take on board the inevitability of death and, in this case, perhaps the fact that it has ended their suffering. Slowly this may morph into depression as we come to realise we will never see this person again and then move forward to acceptance.

Emotion Regulation in Others

In some instances it is also important to be able to regulate the emotional responses of others. Although this might be considered as ‘controlling’ or ‘manipulating’ it is in fact much more subtle and probably something we are doing all the time in our interactions with others.

The counsellor or psychoanalyst provides an expert example of managing the emotions of others but we probably all do this to a certain level. For example often the question ‘Are you alright?’ can be enough to trigger an expression of emotion, or a subtle dropping of the eyes can be enough to discourage the expression of the emotion. And there are many more examples. Again, as with emotional regulation in the self, this can happen on an unconscious or conscious level.

                               Regulation Competence in Others is about using the most appropriate
                               strategy to regulate and manage emotions of others in a given context and
                               for a certain purpose. It involves perceiving their current emotions (see communication
                             competence), gathering information on the situation in the light of our goals
                               and then using various behavioral and verbal approaches to regulate the emotions
                               of others in line with these goals.

Consider the following example: When a loved one dies, we may encourage or discourage the expression of grief in others for both selfish reasons and to try to help others. This will very much depend on our ability to perceive the emotions of others that was covered in the section on Communication Competence.

A counsellor or psychotherapist is an expert in regulating the emotions of others and, especially after a death, may encourage a healthy grieving process. As individuals, we may perhaps ask questions to allow others to show sadness or relief.